What Parents Need to Know About Teen Dating Violence

• One in three high school girls have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.
• Teen dating violence often takes place in the home of one of the teen partners.
• One in five college students will experience some form of dating violence.
• One in three lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender high school teens have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.

Technology – In addition to all forms of dating violence, teens are experiencing technology abuse as well.

• More than one third of teens say they have been harassed with text messages; one-quarter say their partner used cell phone, e-mail, blog or chat rooms to insult them.
• Face Book, My Space and other social networking sites are on the rise because abusers can use them to stalk their victims.  We don’t recommend that you deny your teen use of these sites, but talk to them about how to keep themselves safe. They can be a great tool for breaking isolation for a victim.
• Victims of abusive behavior were reluctant to tell their parents. Seventy-two percent said they had not told them about receiving a harassing number of e-mails or text messages, and 82 percent had not told them about being pressured to engage in sexual activity, a survey said.

How to tell if your teen is a victim

• Is your teen withdrawing from school activities?
• Has your teen become secretive, ashamed or hostile to parents, family or friends because of the relationship?
• Does your teen’s partner call several times a night or show up unexpectedly to “check up?”
• Does your teen apologize for their behavior?
• Has your teen stopped hanging out with friends?

Things to keep in mind when helping a teen

• Make sure the timing is right.
• Use “I” statements when describing your feelings. Let your teen know how concerned you are for their safety, well-being and security.
• Be sure to have specific examples to share.
• Listen to and believe your teen.
• Remember, if your teen does open up to you, it is possible you will hear uncomfortable details. It is imperative that you are nonjudgmental by focusing on resolving the problem rather than criticizing your teen.
• Be a comfort zone for your teen.
• Let your teen have some control in making decisions.  Their self-esteem and confidence is lowered by the abusive partner.
• Be a role model for supportive, healthy relationships with your own partner.
• Help your teen create a safety plan for the times when they are not at school or out with friends.
• Contact Harbor House for safety planning.

Things NOT to say or do

• Do not be critical of your teen’s partner. This will only put a wall between you and your teen.
• Don’t ask blaming questions such as: “Why didn’t you break up?” or “What did you do to provoke your partner?”
• Don’t pressure your teen into making quick decisions.
• Don’t talk to both teens together. This is very unsafe!
• Don’t assume that the victim wants to leave the abusive relationship. Assist your teen in assessing the situation.